pursuit: (unease)

[personal profile] pursuit 2017-02-27 06:19 am (UTC)(link)
[The proximity is entirely too much. Not for the first time that day, Haise doesn't so much as breathe, simply waiting for Kaneki to lash out at him. He expects it with every movement and every syllable the other makes, and yet it doesn't come. Instead Kaneki just sits beside him, still too close, without ceremony. That hostility all but evaporates, and yet he's sure it's still there. The moment he lets his guard down, he'll be reminded of that.

He remains rigid where he sits, and he's sure it's perceptible to someone sitting this close beside him. In this moment, Haise isn't sure how he'll fare if he budges, and so he chooses not to. Better to be a statue that remains in one piece than crumbling]

I'm not the one who made it that way.

[And he surprises himself in saying that, some measure of shock darting across his features before he can catch himself. His only saving grace is that he's watching his hands rather than Kaneki, and it might pass for calm without that brief wide-eyed alarm he takes a moment to smooth away.

It's the truth, but it doesn't mean he wanted to bother voicing it. From his earliest days, Kaneki had never been a pleasant presence in his mind. And on some instinctual level he knew that giving in would be the end of him, so he'd come to recognize Kaneki for what he's always known him to be.

He hadn't decided to exist, nor had he picked a fight with this not-him, so far as he's concerned]

My only safety is in my utility.

[And in that, Kaneki is just the same as everyone else]
decides: (002.)

[personal profile] decides 2017-03-07 05:02 am (UTC)(link)
[ A flash of something dark licks across Kaneki's expression; how bold Haise had grown, from one moment to the next. Clinging to the skirts of something that wasn't his to begin with. It hurts, to think that this "other" had been what was born from what was left behind. A soft thing, with a tremble in the set of his jaw and the inability to look his progenitor in the eye. Kaneki wants to seize his face and make him look; he wants Haise to look at him and never look away, and accept the truth of their situation.

Someone else had determined that Kaneki was more valuable in a place where he was simply made to exist. He doesn't fool himself into thinking that's all that's wanted of him. But, in comparison, it's quite rude. Haise has his uses, but Kaneki merely needs to be real.

With a heavy, annoyed sigh, he drops his weight against the other. The side of his body aligned with the side of Haise's, head pressed against his shoulder. ]

You know what I mean.

[ One of them had been bound and determined to subdue and consume the other, if balance could not be brokered.

With two, separate bodies, there was no more need. ]
I think you're rather useless, but I'm responsible for you.
pursuit: (review)

[personal profile] pursuit 2017-03-08 04:44 am (UTC)(link)
[Does he know? Haise wonders about that, as Kaneki's weight asserts itself against him. As he asserts himself against him. It remains all too surreal that his presence is now corporeal, perhaps more real than it had ever been, and now he's forced to deal with him regardless of what he does. Perhaps his own stability is ensured, but the trade-off is not one that he would have willingly made had he known the truth.

But now, here they are, two made from just one, or perhaps one and a half. Haise's posture remains rigid even now, hardly comfortable for Kaneki to lean against, but he doubts that comfort is in any respect a motivator here. If anything, it's a reminder, or at least that's how it appears to his perception.

He huffs out a vexed breath himself, and collects his paperwork. Regardless of his circumstances, there are expectations in place, and he knows the consequences should he fail to meet them]

You'll think what you will.

[To both of those statements]