pursuit: (review)

[personal profile] pursuit 2017-01-31 06:20 am (UTC)(link)
[The conversation is something of a blur to Haise, after a point. He's aware that he's being spoken to, and he can feel himself answer from time to time, haltingly, but it's all muffled and indistinct. It's as though he's hearing everything from underwater, and the most prominent sound in the room is that of Kaneki drumming his fingers. It effectively drowns out everything else, and he could swear his nerves jump along with it as the conversation goes on.

He doesn't even know they're finished speaking until he's handed an envelope fat with documentation, and this he stares at owlishly as the scientist leaves the room with a comment he only vaguely registers. Regular reports. Yes, he always knows those are expected of him.

This is the first time he'll be responsible for filing any reports but his own. Haise's thumb brushes along one corner of the envelope he's holding, but for all his staring, he hasn't even read the words printed on it. All of this is some blur to him, and he's far from caught up to the madness of his situation. Of all the outcomes he might've anticipated from those tests, he wouldn't have ever conceived of not only having Kaneki separated from him and given tangible form, but having him placed under his care as though that made any sense at all.

He feels numb]
decides: (Default)

[personal profile] decides 2017-02-02 03:25 am (UTC)(link)
[ Alongside him, Haise has quite possibly gone into shock.

They are no longer connected, but as Kaneki turns his uncovered eye on the other, he takes note of his silence. That thousand-yard stare as he clutches a file that is filled with a dense sheaf of paperwork, information. The care and feeding of your new PET, he thinks cruelly, as this is what he has been reduced to. They refer to him as "subordinate", but he is - and always has been - someone's pet project. Now, he has been left to Haise's care, and from what he is observing, the distribution of power between the two of them remains the same as it always has been. There is a new name to their relationship, but Kaneki will retain dominance. He threatens, simply by existing.

Kaneki stops drumming his fingers, without warning. ]


[ He drags the syllables out, on purpose: slow and indolent, as he musters what little reserves of energy he has left. Out of sheer spite. Like hell if he's going to be wheeled out of here, when he would much rather walk out on his own steam. Carefully, he rises from the chair, holding the material they had dressed him in as he steps forward and turns to face his new "superior". ]

You're showing me such a weak side of yourself.

[ He doesn't want to stay here any longer. ]

I'm going. Do your duty.

[ Follow him. Keep an eye on him. Be responsible.

And he draws a deep breath to steady himself, and leaves the room ( despite having NO clue where he's going, yikes ). ]
Edited 2017-02-02 03:26 (UTC)
pursuit: (unease)

[personal profile] pursuit 2017-02-02 04:23 am (UTC)(link)
[Sedate as Kaneki appeared, it seems he has some reserves of fortitude after all. Haise lingers where he stands as the other half-ghoul leaves the room, watching his figure retreat from view before his posture relaxes incrementally. Not being within his line of sight is a minute relief, but only this much, because he knows that inevitably he'll have to follow. Not just follow, but remain in his proximity, perhaps for quite a long time.

The monster under his metaphorical bed is real now, more so than he ever was before, and Haise has to swallow down the disquiet that's lodged itself in his throat as he processes that. Maybe the rationale was that where one of them might be useful, two of them could be all the more so, but he knows better than to make such a presumption about someone like Kaneki.

He can only speculate as to what sort of leverage the CCG believes they have over Kaneki, but he remains dubious as to whether anything would ever work. So far as he's concerned, Kaneki is an unyielding, harsh surface upon which to press, and he'd sooner not.

Apparently, he hasn't any choice in the matter.

Heaving a tense sigh, he tucks the paperwork into a pocket inside his coat and grudgingly trails after his most unfriendly other half]
decides: (004.)

[personal profile] decides 2017-02-02 05:30 am (UTC)(link)
[ Kaneki steps out into the hall, and immediately has no idea which direction to go. What little he recalls from within the haze of Haise's memories is all but cut off now, as they have been separated mind and body. He believes that that direction is the correct one, and stands a few feet from the doorway, as though his burst of energy had rapidly waned ( it had; it still was ) and he had been unable to get much further. Smooth.

Eventually, Haise exits the room, apparently following. ]

There you are.

[ As though he were simply waiting for his tender-hearted "other half", and not lost. ]
pursuit: (mull)

[personal profile] pursuit 2017-02-02 05:56 am (UTC)(link)
[Haise easily surmises that Kaneki doesn't know where to go. It's perhaps to his advantage, since he's supposed to keep track of him, but he knows better than to make any pithy comments. What he opts to do might not be ostensibly better, simply turning on his heel and heading in the other, correct direction. Since he's the one who knows where they're going, he isn't obliged to follow Kaneki around like a stray cat.

It's rather the other way around, isn't it?]

Restricted access, that way.

[Haise wonders if the sedatives have a dampening effect on senses too; he can certainly smell the chemicals coming from the hall beyond Kaneki's current position. Then again, his body might not have the same reaction to the scent. A curious notion, but perhaps not unlikely, new as that physical form must be.

Strong as they were, Kaneki's hands were so strangely soft]
decides: (002.)

[personal profile] decides 2017-02-06 02:09 am (UTC)(link)
[ Silently, he waits for Haise. Lingering in the hallway with a hand pressed to the wall, keeping him steady while his body aches and tires. A side effect, perhaps, of how long the scientists and researchers had kept him asleep and silent, and the drugs still weighing his mind and body down. Stubbornly, he follows Haise - subject to the other's guidance in this moment. It's awful, it feels awful. Following this other-self. Being beholden to him. ]


[ Again, he sings the other's name. Drawing the syllables out slowly, like he's talking through the fog. His feet, bare and silent as he walks along the hall. For a moment, he curses himself for his own weakness, but he is ill and the world is still muted. So, he reaches out and winds his arm around Haise's, hand wrapping around his wrist once more. The wall won't last forever, and they are to walk the same path. He assumes that he's not going to be given his own quarters, instead living with his "superior" - physically, the way they had shared the same mind not so long ago. ]

pursuit: (reflect)

[personal profile] pursuit 2017-02-06 04:25 am (UTC)(link)
[His name being singsonged to him is something he feels that he knows better than to answer, a clipped exhale his only response. It strikes him as being toyed with in some way even now, but then, hearing a voice much like his own saying his name had always been disquieting for a number of reasons.

Small as that response is, there isn't any mistaking the way Haise jolts when Kaneki catches his wrist again afterward. He'd thought they might be past that, seeing no further purpose for what he's surmised to be threats of a very particular nature, but it seems he was wrong. Despite the impulse to look at Kaneki's hand, he doesn't, grey eyes trained on the sterile white hall that yawns ahead of them]

You don't think I'd outpace you?

[The question isn't a question at all. He would move along faster if he didn't think that the other wasn't heavily sedated. But he does, and he knows precisely how sluggish he feels whenever he's been neutralized in that manner. It's a consideration of a kind, even if Kaneki never asked for it, and may not ever want it.

They might agree on which one of them is stronger under normal conditions, but right now, he has a minor advantage]
decides: (002.)

[personal profile] decides 2017-02-06 05:51 am (UTC)(link)
[ Just because he is no longer looking out from within does not negate how he feels about Haise Sasaki. It just - complicates the narrative. The same way that being able to touch Haise complicates many, many more things on top of that. He holds fast to this other-him, the one who won't look his way and who can't stand being touched by him. That's good. That's better. ]

I don't.

[ His voice is clipped, his answer short, and it seems as though he's answered the question to his liking.

But, his head lolls a little. The weight of his body leaning heavily into Haise's, while his hand - no, his hands, as it seems the other one has come to wrap tight around Haise's forearm, quite literally coming to use the other as a crutch as they make their way. ]

I don't want to be here.
pursuit: (mull)

[personal profile] pursuit 2017-02-06 06:20 am (UTC)(link)
[There's some sympathy in him for that, despite the manifest terror clinging to his arm. Leaning on him]

Checkups will surely be routine.

[Haise is about as comfortable as a crutch might be, his posture rigid. It becomes increasingly the case as Kaneki leans more heavily on him. At the same time that he knows his companion must be tired, he's also very aware that his grip could turn harsh at any moment, and that constant expectation hangs over his awareness as they walk. In fact, he's listening so intently for any sign of attack that he barely hears anything else.

When the corridor splits, he pauses there, looking one way and then the other. Debate may be something Kaneki can read in his features, even as he's attempted to steel his expression to avoid letting this other half of himself have some free opening to dig into. He's not so much lost as considering, and it doesn't take him long to turn and continue]

You can't go out like that.

[The words come by way of explanation, and he steers them into a locker-room, headed right for one he's familiar with. He's got extra clothes, and Kaneki can't wander the streets barefoot like this]
decides: (003.)

[personal profile] decides 2017-02-08 02:02 am (UTC)(link)
[ Routine checkups. Oh, and the level of contempt on his face after that statement -- ]


[ He'll burn them when it comes down to it, and not a moment sooner. There is very little he can find it in himself to focus on, in this moment. "Leaving" remains the top priority, with Haise's existence being a close second, if only because Haise's presence will be a thing he is unable to escape. And truly, he cannot escape, because Haise guides them in a direction that is definitely not an exit, and the sullen silence into which Kaneki has lapsed again only grows. His hands do, indeed, tighten around Haise's wrist - a reminder that he is real and displeased, but ultimately unable to currently protest the decision that has been made for him.

Decisions are meant to be his.

He does look down at himself - white hospital scrubs, bare feet. It's a utilitarian outfit, and it isn't as though his feet will be harmed by walking through the streets. There was very little that could harm either one of them, to that end. ]


[ Unhappy, voicing it, but ultimately not protesting. He will not sit, however. If he sits, he won't be getting back up. ]
pursuit: (adjust)

[personal profile] pursuit 2017-02-08 02:14 am (UTC)(link)
It's cold outside.

[The show of displeasure is something Haise studiously ignores, aware as he is that there's nothing for it. Anyone wandering the streets in hospital scrubs would garner far more attention than he wants, and doubtless more than the CCG wants. Perhaps more than Kaneki himself would be interested in attracting, at least in the here and now. Whether it's even possible for him to keep a handle on this other half of himself is dubious at best.

He rivets his attention on getting his locker open, ignoring the way Kaneki's hands remain latched onto him as he raises his arm. There's so much he has to ignore, right about now, or else he questions whether he'll be any more functional than his company.

The inside of his locker may be a memorable secondhand sight to Kaneki, tidy and barren of personal effects as it is. All that distinguishes it from what belongs to any other personnel is a single book leaned against one side of his locker: the collected works of Hakushū. A shared interest between them, not that Haise would know it, or even think to guess.

He collects the outfit neatly folded on the top shelf without ceremony, all but shoving the garments under Kaneki's chin to prompt him to accept them. They're not leaving until he's wearing something suitable for the outside, and he makes up for his frailty with tenacity. Surely that's one thing they both know]
decides: (003.)

[personal profile] decides 2017-02-08 04:34 am (UTC)(link)
[ The inside of Haise's locker is indeed a secondhand memory: the placement of his spares belongings, the book that he wants to reach out and take into his hands. That would mean relinquishing his hold on his other-self, this he-but-not who shoves clothes against his chest with silent demands. Slowly, Kaneki lets go of Haise's arm and gathers the items against his chest, peering down at them with an accusatory frown. ( He knows, without a doubt, that they'll fit him perfectly. He was recreated to be the same size, the same shape. No detail spared. )

In silence, he sets Haise's clothes down upon the nearby bench, plumping them into a haphazard pile before he reaches up, behind his neck and gathers the material of the scrubs he had been dressed in into his hands. The exchange takes him less time than he expects, but far more time than it would take anyone else - and eventually, he shoves the sleeves of Haise's shirt up past his elbows, purposefully rumpling the crisp material. He's dressed now, with the white hospital scrubs gathered in his arms and shoes on his feet. Which feels weird, like he's been running all summer long with nothing on, and his feet have forgotten the shape of socks and shoes.

Better, Haise? ]
pursuit: (reflect)

[personal profile] pursuit 2017-02-08 04:50 am (UTC)(link)
[Grudging though he was, at least Kaneki put the clothes on. While Haise might enjoy an advantage while the other is under sedation, he still doesn't fancy a wrestling match to get him into something he can wear outside a CCG facility. Now they can at least go about their business without garnering additional attention or being stopped along the way...although he dreads the possibility that someone will take them for brothers.

It's less the notion and more the fear of what Kaneki might say in answer to the insinuation though]

I'll take those.

[He offers, and rather than waiting to be handed the scrubs he simply collects them, making a bee-line for a nearby laundry-basket. It wasn't as though anyone could leave with bloodied clothing or the like, so this wasn't his first time leaving something there, given the nature of his own tutelage under Arima.

Actually, it might be the first time he remembers having left anything behind that wasn't a bloody mess. Funny, that. Not in a good way, but the sort that leaves him standing there watching the basket contemplatively]
decides: (002.)

[personal profile] decides 2017-02-08 05:39 am (UTC)(link)
[ It won't stop him from raising hell, if given the opportunity. Just because he's wearing clothes that don't make him look like an escapee from the mental ward doesn't mean that he's at all willing to be trapped by the CCG. Honestly, he's not even concerned that it would reflect badly on Haise Sasaki - that it might bring him to harm, as this he-but-not had already... he had already -- ! He wasn't strong enough, for any of it. A kind-hearted, vulnerable weakling wearing his body. Smelling like him. Talking with his voice. Holding things with his hands.

Everything about Haise was his.

After a moment, left alone and wondering if he could simply slip out of the locker room and head down the other branching hallway without being noticed, he decides.

Even in shoes, he's far too quiet, stepping to Haise's side as the other stands over the laundry basket. Thinking. ]


[ He breathes the word, and pushes the clothes out of his hands and into the basket. ]

I can't hear you anymore. It's wrong. Let's go.
pursuit: (distant)

[personal profile] pursuit 2017-02-08 06:06 am (UTC)(link)
[Haise doesn't understand that first part, at least not to start with. It prompts him to shoot Kaneki a quizzical look, trying to puzzle out what new method he's devised to get under his skin now that they're physically separated. The words don't feel like a jab, and yet it doesn't quite sink in what he really means, so he gives up on debating it.

With the limitations of his own perspective, and his inability to do the same in turn, he doesn't imagine that Kaneki's referring to not being privy to his thoughts anymore.

At least he was puzzled enough not to jolt the instant Kaneki popped up beside him, this time]

Let me just close my locker.

[His thoughts make him more distant than he'd already been striving to be, but he returns shortly after his locker door's creaked and clanked shut. With a blatant, stiff reluctance, he offers his arm up, suspecting Kaneki will collect it if he doesn't anyway. At least he can imagine that it's on his own terms like this]
decides: (002.)

[personal profile] decides 2017-02-13 12:49 am (UTC)(link)
[ He waits, quiet and irritable, as Haise closes his locker.

He's drifting away, further than ever before. It's difficult to understand Haise Sasaki, even if he was there for his birth. Part of him hates this man, for existing in the first place, for being made of nonsensical, tender things. For being surrounded, by those that look up to him. For many things, in the end, that Haise cannot help. Even as the other drifts, distant and distracted, Kaneki's hands wind around the offered wrist. It's difficult, knowing that the body he's touching was once his. And that the new he-but not wears it, while he, the once-and-forever wears something else.

He tugs, urging Haise to move.

Enough of this lingering. Bring him home. ]
pursuit: (review)

[personal profile] pursuit 2017-02-13 02:44 am (UTC)(link)
[The trip home is uncomfortable, to say the very least. It's only after they get there and Kaneki promptly passes out on the floor that Haise realizes just how anxious he's been the last while. For a short time he debates moving Kaneki elsewhere, but he doesn't take long to conclude that he'd rather not disturb him, especially now that the tension in his body is gradually easing. He'll take whatever reprieve he can get from the situation he's now faced with.

He does take the time to collect a blanket to drape over this other part of himself, the one who came before. The one he doesn't remember, and ostensibly fears. Curled up on the floor like that, Kaneki almost looks harmless, strange as the thought is.

Choosing not to linger on it, Haise retreats to his room to start on some of the paperwork that had been foisted onto him. It's easier to concentrate on that for a while, rather than wonder how he's going to cope with the monster who had once occupied his head suddenly being both free and tangible]
decides: (003.)

[personal profile] decides 2017-02-17 02:13 am (UTC)(link)
[ When Kaneki finally wakes, he feels no better than before. Less drowsy, yes, but still as irritated by his newfound circumstances as he had felt at the time the scientists had roused him from his chemically-induced coma. Everything is sore, and he doesn't doubt that somewhere in his custom, tailored biology, there's a built-in weakness. Something to keep him from Getting Ideas, like escaping or fighting back.

Blanket in tow, wrapped snug around his head and most of his body, he drags himself through Haise's place. It's distantly familiar - he can recall how to shift his hip away from the corner of a countertop, when entering a room, or where Haise stashes his reading material ( none of it of any real quality, he thinks to himself ). Which means that he also knows where Haise's room is, and after wandering freely through this new domain - he goes to find his old body and its new host.

There's something more alert and refined in his motions and his eyes now, and he finally has enough energy and focus to ask what he's been wanting to, since Haise was first brought to him: ]

Did you want this?
pursuit: (consider)

[personal profile] pursuit 2017-02-17 02:46 am (UTC)(link)
[It's commonplace for Haise to hear and smell someone when they approach well before they greet him. Since the earliest days of his awareness, even when his senses were dulled by his staunch refusal to eat what was provided him, he'd known when anyone was drawing close. Today though, he doesn't notice until Kaneki speaks to him, and he jolts in his seat with a yelp he barely manages to bite down.

For all its newness its startling, and even when his attention is brought to the other, he still can't distinguish that scent from his own. Rationally, he knows it's to be expected: they're as close to the same as they can be, physically speaking. Even so, it's no less disconcerting.

But what a very strange question to sneak up on him and ask. Reluctantly, he turns in his seat to regard him-but-not]

It's fine, you keep it. There are other blankets around here.

[He doesn't exactly have a particular favorite, and seeing Kaneki bundled up as he is, it's not as though he'd ask for its return anyway. They may not enjoy anything resembling a friendly relationship, but he doesn't see any reason not to at least treat him equitably]
decides: (002.)

[personal profile] decides 2017-02-24 01:21 am (UTC)(link)
[ That he continues to cause Haise a fright whenever he draws near, whether he's expected or unexpected, gives him a moment's pleasure. It had been one thing to haunt his dreams, a phantom clinging to the remnants of his once-reality by the skin of his teeth. He'd sunk them into Haise, and was not at all inclined to let him go, now that he had a physical body to match the presence of his mind.

He furrows his brow, and glances down towards the blanket he has wrapped about himself. Joke's on you, Haise - the blanket is Kaneki's now. ]

That's not what I meant. I meant this. Us.

[ Slowly, he extracts an arm - and beckons between them. ]

Did you think this would be what freed you?
pursuit: (frown)

[personal profile] pursuit 2017-02-24 04:31 am (UTC)(link)
[It takes Haise a moment to realize just how tightly he grips the pen he's holding when Kaneki reaches toward him. His posture has grown rigid in an instant, like he's anticipating some sort of attack, and on some level, he is. The words Kaneki always had for him were ones he took as contempt and hostility, and he's seen no reason to re-evaluate that perception. If anything, having not-him in the tangible world only reinforces the notion.

He sets the pen down with deliberate care, opting to link his hands in front of himself as he considers that question. Kaneki had asked something of the sort earlier, hadn't he? Whether he'd known or not.

Of course he didn't know]

I never expected results in this form.

[It takes effort to project an air of calm, though it's aided by his own weariness. Haise had never considered that the CCG would give Kaneki his own separate body; such a thing belonged more in a science fiction novel than in reality. But he won't deny he wanted to be free of him]
decides: (001.)

[personal profile] decides 2017-02-26 06:53 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Part of Kaneki revels in the fact that his mere presence puts Haise on defense, that Haise is unable to take his eyes off of him. It's why he steps deeper into the room, dropping the blanket to the floor as he moves closer, and closer still. He wants to see - how close can he get, before Haise's instinct for self-preservation overrides his pretty manners. He wants to witness that moment - and to see how badly this... false thing in his body wants to cling to his life. ]

No, of course you didn't. You just wanted to be rid of me.

[ Deliberately slow, he leans in. Closer to Haise, until he's crouched at his side. ]

It's okay. The feeling is mutual. And I don't see a way to take this [ he presses his hand against Haise's (his) chest, over the space where his heart would be ] back.

[ For now, his tone implies. ]
pursuit: (disagree)

[personal profile] pursuit 2017-02-27 05:17 am (UTC)(link)
[In the face of Kaneki's approach, Haise's tension only mounts. To his credit, he does manage to remain quite still. Perhaps entirely too much so, like a creature that hopes if it doesn't move at all, a predator might overlook it. Haise knows better than to believe that Kaneki will leave him alone if he gets no form of reaction from him; efforts to ignore him had only been rewarded with more attempts before.

Now that he's tangible, he has no choice but to look at him. Before, he could at least avoid doing so.

He sets his jaw, something behind his eyes hardening with what he can muster of resolve, if only because he's been forced into this position. For the span of his brief existence, Haise has been a cornered animal. It was made clear to him early on that either he rose to the occasion or he could die, and there was nothing in-between. He jerks when Kaneki plants his hand against his chest, but he doesn't move further. It's the best he can muster of some quiet defiance]

I don't think you could, as you are now.

[The stiffness about his words betrays his effort to remain composed, but his voice is steady nevertheless. Kaneki might be the sum of a past he dreaded being confronted with, but he's stuck with him now. He doesn't have the option to ignore him as he'd so often tried]
decides: (004.)

[personal profile] decides 2017-02-27 05:58 am (UTC)(link)

[ The name curls, like the body of something serpentine and dripping with venom. Scolding, sarcastic. Kaneki's fingers tighten in the material of Haise's shirt, but he doesn't use that as leverage to bring the tense form of his "other" closer to him. Instead, he draws ever closer to him. In this place, where Haise's mark is upon everything - right down to the clothes that Kaneki wears, and oh, he has a few choice words about the decision to dress him up. Certainly, it was only logical, but Haise had put him in his clothes. ]

You're really not the first idiot to think that.

[ For shame.

Soon enough, Kaneki leans over Haise. One hand pressed against the edge of the table behind him, the other tangled in the material of his shirt. How far can he bully Haise, before the other lashes out in return? He's close now, close enough that biting into the flesh of Haise's neck would be an afterthought. Digging his fingers through his ribcage would be a simple endeavor. And yet, for all he's said about how he feels towards Haise, there in the dark abyss of his dreamscape - he makes no violent motion. His hand loosens, and his hip brushes against Haise's as he sits alongside him. ]

There's no love lost between us, you know that. And yet, you're now the safest from me that you could be.
pursuit: (unease)

[personal profile] pursuit 2017-02-27 06:19 am (UTC)(link)
[The proximity is entirely too much. Not for the first time that day, Haise doesn't so much as breathe, simply waiting for Kaneki to lash out at him. He expects it with every movement and every syllable the other makes, and yet it doesn't come. Instead Kaneki just sits beside him, still too close, without ceremony. That hostility all but evaporates, and yet he's sure it's still there. The moment he lets his guard down, he'll be reminded of that.

He remains rigid where he sits, and he's sure it's perceptible to someone sitting this close beside him. In this moment, Haise isn't sure how he'll fare if he budges, and so he chooses not to. Better to be a statue that remains in one piece than crumbling]

I'm not the one who made it that way.

[And he surprises himself in saying that, some measure of shock darting across his features before he can catch himself. His only saving grace is that he's watching his hands rather than Kaneki, and it might pass for calm without that brief wide-eyed alarm he takes a moment to smooth away.

It's the truth, but it doesn't mean he wanted to bother voicing it. From his earliest days, Kaneki had never been a pleasant presence in his mind. And on some instinctual level he knew that giving in would be the end of him, so he'd come to recognize Kaneki for what he's always known him to be.

He hadn't decided to exist, nor had he picked a fight with this not-him, so far as he's concerned]

My only safety is in my utility.

[And in that, Kaneki is just the same as everyone else]

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[personal profile] decides - 2017-03-07 05:02 (UTC) - Expand

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[personal profile] pursuit - 2017-03-08 04:44 (UTC) - Expand